Why These Conversations Matter

Young people navigate relationships at a crucial stage in their lives—whether friendships, dating, or online interactions. The way they understand relationships now can shape their future emotional well-being and decision-making. But talking about relationships with them isn’t always easy. They might feel awkward, dismissive, or even resistant.

So, how can you start the conversation in a way that feels natural, engaging, and genuinely helpful? This guide will give you practical advice on how to talk to young people (ages 16–24) about what makes a relationship healthy or unhealthy—without it feeling like a lecture.

 

How to Approach the Conversation

Create a Safe, Judgment-Free Space

Young people are more likely to open up if they feel safe from criticism. Keep your tone supportive and curious rather than interrogative.

Try this: “I know relationships can be complicated sometimes. How do you think someone can tell if they’re in a good one?”

Avoid this: “I hope you’re not in a toxic relationship. You’d tell me, right?” (This can make them defensive.)

 

Use Pop Culture & Real-Life Examples

Movies, TV shows, social media, and news stories often highlight relationships—both good and bad. These can be great conversation starters.

Try this: “I saw that storyline in [TV show] where one person kept checking their partner’s phone. What do you think about that?”

 

Ask, Don’t Just Tell

Instead of listing rules, encourage them to think critically. Ask open-ended questions to get their perspective.

Try this: “What do you think makes a relationship feel safe and respectful?”

Avoid this: “You need to make sure your partner respects you.” (This sounds like a lecture rather than a discussion.)

 

Be Honest About Your Own Experiences (Within Reason)

Sharing your own experiences—both good and bad—can help normalise these discussions.

Try this: “When I was younger, I didn’t always realise what a healthy relationship looked like. I wish I’d known that…”

Avoid this: Oversharing or making the conversation all about you. Keep it relevant to their situation.

 

Helping Young People Recognise Healthy Relationships

Explain that healthy relationships—whether romantic or platonic—have key green flags. Encourage them to look for these:

Mutual Respect – Both people value each other’s thoughts, feelings, and boundaries.
Open Communication – They feel safe discussing problems without fear of judgement.
Trust & Security – No checking phones, constant suspicion, or pressure.
Emotional Support – Their partner or friend encourages and uplifts them.
Independence – They still have their own interests, friends, and time to themselves.
Healthy Conflict Resolution – Disagreements are solved with respect, not blame or shouting.
Enjoyment – The relationship brings happiness, not stress.

 

How to talk about it: “A good relationship should make you feel comfortable and supported, not anxious or controlled. How does your relationship (or a friend’s) feel?”

 

Helping Young People Identify Unhealthy Relationships

It’s equally important to help them spot red flags in a relationship. They might not always recognise warning signs, especially if they believe certain behaviours (like jealousy) are a sign of love.

 

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship:
Control & Manipulation – One person dictates what the other does, who they see, or what they wear.
Lack of Trust – Constant jealousy, checking phones, or demanding passwords.
Fear of Speaking Up – They feel anxious about expressing their opinions or saying no.
Emotional Abuse – Put-downs, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or silent treatment.
Physical or Sexual Pressure – Being coerced into anything they’re uncomfortable with.
Feeling Drained or Unhappy – More stress than joy in the relationship.

 

How to talk about it:
Instead of saying, “You need to leave if this happens,” try:
“If you ever feel like someone is controlling or pressuring you, you deserve better. What do you think a healthy alternative looks like?”

This keeps the conversation open and avoids pushing them away.

 

Talking About Online & Social Media Relationships

Many relationships today, including friendships and dating, start or exist partly online. This comes with unique challenges:

Social Media Pressure – Comparing their relationship to unrealistic online portrayals.
Digital Control – A partner demanding constant texting, location tracking, or posting together.
Online Harassment – Receiving threatening messages or being pressured into sharing personal images.
Catfishing & Deception – Engaging with people who may not be who they claim to be.

 

How to talk about it: “Do you think social media makes relationships easier or harder? What pressures do you think people face?”

Encouraging them to reflect will help them become more aware of online red flags.

 

What to Do If They’re in an Unhealthy Relationship

If a young person opens up about being in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, respond with support, not judgement.

Listen Without Overreacting – If you panic or become angry, they may shut down.
Validate Their Feelings – Acknowledge their experience rather than dismissing it.
Help Them Explore Options – Ask if they’d like help finding support (friends, professionals, helplines).
Empower, Don’t Control – They need to feel in charge of their choices, not forced into action.

 

Try this: “That sounds really difficult. I’m here for you—what do you think would help?”

Avoid this: “You need to break up immediately!” (This may push them away rather than help them leave safely.)

 

Where to Find Support

If they need further help, you can direct them to:

• National Domestic Abuse Helpline (UK) – 0808 2000 247
• The Mix (Support for under 25s) – 0808 808 4994 or text THEMIX to 85258
• Childline (For under 19s) – 0800 1111
• Refuge (Domestic Violence Support) – www.refuge.org.uk

Encourage them to reach out when they’re ready.

 

Keeping the Conversation Going

Talking to young people about relationships isn’t a one-time chat—it’s an ongoing conversation. By creating a safe, open space where they feel heard and respected, you can help them navigate relationships with confidence and awareness.

Most importantly, remind them:
They deserve healthy, respectful relationships.
They are never alone if they need help.
You are always there to listen, without judgement.

These discussions can be life-changing—so don’t hesitate to start them.