Honour-based violence or abuse is a form of abuse that is used to control someone’s behaviour in the name of “honour”, reputation, or family expectations.

It is never justified.
It is abuse, not culture, not tradition, and not religion.

Quick definition

Honour-based violence or abuse happens when someone is harmed, controlled, or threatened because they are believed to have brought “shame” or “dishonour” to their family or community.

The abuse is often carried out to enforce rules about behaviour, relationships, sexuality, gender roles, or independence.

What “honour” means in this context

In abusive situations, “honour” is often linked to:

• How someone dresses or behaves
• Who they speak to or spend time with
• Relationships, marriage, or refusing marriage
• Sexuality or gender identity
• Education, work, or independence
• Leaving or questioning family or community expectations

The responsibility for “honour” is often placed unfairly on girls and women, but anyone can be affected.

What honour-based violence or abuse can look like

Honour-based abuse can take many forms. It may involve one person or multiple family or community members.

It can include:

• Strict control over movement, clothing, friendships, or communication
• Emotional abuse, threats, or intimidation
• Pressure to marry, or punishment for refusing marriage
• Being isolated from friends, school, work, or support
• Surveillance, monitoring, or reporting by others
• Physical violence
• Being forced to return to a family home or country
• Threats of serious harm or death

The abuse may escalate over time, especially if someone tries to leave or assert independence.

Honour-based abuse and forced marriage

Forced marriage is a form of honour-based abuse.

A forced marriage happens when someone is pressured, threatened, or harmed into marrying without their free and full consent.

This includes:

• Emotional pressure or guilt
• Threats of harm or abandonment
• Being taken abroad against your will
• Being told marriage is the only way to restore honour

Forced marriage is illegal in the UK.

Shame, divorce, and being forced to stay in a relationship

Honour-based abuse does not end with marriage.

For some people, divorce, separation, or wanting to leave a relationship is treated as a source of shame, especially for women, but not exclusively.

This can lead to pressure or abuse aimed at forcing someone to stay.

This may include:

• Being told divorce would disgrace the family or community
• Being blamed for the breakdown of a marriage, regardless of what happened
• Pressure to stay “for the children”, reputation, or honour
• Being told abuse must be tolerated to avoid shame
• Threats of being cut off, disowned, or isolated if you leave
• Being pressured to return to a partner you feel unsafe with
• Religious or cultural language used to justify staying

In some cases, people are forced back into a relationship after leaving, or prevented from seeking legal, emotional, or practical support.

Being forced to stay is a form of abuse

No one should be made to stay in a relationship through fear, shame, or coercion.

Being pressured to remain in a marriage or partnership, especially where there is abuse, control, or harm, is not about honour.
It is about power and control.

You have the right to:

• Safety
• Choice
• Support
• A life free from fear

Divorce or separation does not make someone dishonourable.
Abuse does.

Who can experience honour-based violence or abuse?

Anyone.

Honour-based abuse can affect:

• Women and girls
• Men and boys
• Children and adults
• LGBTQ+ people
• People from many cultural, ethnic, and religious backgrounds
• People born in the UK or abroad

There is no single community or faith where honour-based abuse occurs.
Abuse is caused by control and power, not culture.

How honour-based abuse affects people

Honour-based abuse can be extremely frightening and isolating.

People may experience:

• Fear for their safety or life
• Constant anxiety or hyper-vigilance
• Shame or self-blame
• Feeling trapped or watched
• Loss of freedom and independence
• Trauma, depression, or long-term mental health impacts

Because the abuse may involve family members, many people feel torn between safety and loyalty.

Is honour-based abuse the same as strict family rules?

No.

Honour-based abuse is not:

• Caring guidance that respects choice and consent
• Cultural practices freely chosen
• Disagreements between parents and children
• Expectations that do not involve fear, threats, or harm

The key issue is control through fear, punishment, or violence.

Signs you might be experiencing honour-based abuse

You might recognise some of these:

• You are afraid to say no or make your own choices
• You are being closely monitored by family or community members
• You are threatened with punishment for bringing “shame”
• You are pressured to marry or stay in a relationship
• You feel unsafe asking for help
• You worry about consequences for speaking out

If you feel scared, controlled, or trapped, your concerns are valid.

What if I’m not sure it “counts”?

Many people doubt themselves because:

• “This is just how my family is”
• “It’s cultural”
• “I don’t want to bring trouble”
• “Others have it worse”

You do not need to prove abuse to deserve support.
If something feels wrong or unsafe, that matters.

Support and next steps

If you think you may be experiencing honour-based violence or abuse:

• You deserve safety and support
• You deserve to be listened to without judgement
• Help can be accessed confidentially

If you are in immediate danger, call 999.

Specialist support services can help you think through options safely and privately.

You are not alone

Honour-based abuse relies on silence and fear.
Understanding what it is can be the first step toward safety and choice.

Support is available, at your pace, on your terms.

The post What Is Honour-Based Violence or Abuse? was created by First Light.